· A speech is like a wheel – the longer the spoke – the greater the tire.
· A spoken word is like a sparrow – once it flies out you cannot catch it.
· A word of advice – don’t give it.
· An alarm clock is a small device used to wake up people who have no children at home.
· An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
· Anybody who knows everything should be told a thing or two.
· Anyone who says that truth is stranger than fiction has never heard a teenager explaining his 3:30 A.M. arrival home.
· A friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg even when they know you’re a bit cracked.
· A gentleman farmer is one who has more hay in the bank than in the barn.
· A good time to keep you mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
· A good many childhood ailments are cured miraculously as soon as it’s too late to go to school.
· A half-truth is usually less than half of that.