Competitive !! duhhhh ;)

 

IT Consultant

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

 

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, ‘If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?’

 

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, ‘Sure, Why not?’

 

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects

 

Sure Confidence

Sure confidence ::  Solving crossword puzzles with a fountain pen.

 

Hindsight or farsight

 

Online profile

This is one of the best xkcd cartoons i have come across: : )

 

Blog-maniac :)

 

On the Rocks

 

Love maths

Even the identity matrix doesn’t work normally

 

Angular momentum - gaining moments

With reasonable assumptions about latitude and body shape, how much time might she gain them?  Note: whatever the answer, sunrise always comes too soon. (Also, is it worth it if she throws up?)

 

NEW AIRLINE FEES

 
Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?
Passenger: Sure.
Attendant: You’re in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!
Passenger: What for?
Attendant: For telling you where to sit.
Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It’s the airline’s new policy.
Passenger: That’s the craziest thing I ever heard. I won’t pay it.
Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?
Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I’ll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.
Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?
Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.
Passenger: What?
Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.
Passenger: This is extortion. I won’t stand for it.
Attendant: Actually, you’re right, you can’t stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We’re about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10.
Passenger: No way!
Attendant: Sir, if you don’t comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don’t want me to do that.
Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?
Attendant: No, but there’s a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.
Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can’t believe this.
Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Passenger: Yes. It’s stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn’t seem to work. Can you fix it?
Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the Overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?
Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It’s the circulating air that costs 50 cents.
Passenger: I don’t have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?
Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger: But you’ve given me only three quarters for my dollar.
Attendant: Yes, there’s a change making fee of 25 cents.
Passenger: For crying’ out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?
Attendant: Hang onto it. You’ll need it later for the lavatory.

 

Wall Street Meltdown - 2007

This video was inspired by the bizarre sequence of events on the Street in 2007. The use of Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” came from a hilarious internet parody song “Here Comes Another Bubble” by the Richter Scales (available on YouTube). They did such a good job, I thought Wall Streeters everywhere deserved a parody of their own. This version does not have anywhere near the same sophisticated flash software but here it goes.

The video was produced for non-commercial amusement purposes only and is not intended to offend any people, companies or countries appearing in the video.

 

My Exercise Regime

 

Exercise Regime

MONDAY

Beat around the bush…
Jump to conclusions
Climb the walls
Wade through the morning paper

TUESDAY

Drag my heels
Push my luck
Make mountains out of mole hills
Hit the nail on the head

WEDNESDAY

Bend over backwards
Jump on the Band Wagon
Run around in circles

THURSDAY

Advise the President on how to run the country
Toot my own horn
Pull out all the stops
Add fuel to the fire

FRIDAY

Open a can of worms
Put my foot in my mouth
Start the ball rolling
Go over the edge

SATURDAY

Pick up the pieces!!!

SUNDAY

OFF Day……Enough exercise for the week.

 

Piggy bank…uh

 

To Do List

 

Soaring Gas prices - Dont feel bad

Over the weekend, I filled up my car’s fuel tank, and I thought gas has become really expensive after the recent price hike.
 
But then I compared it with other some common liquids we use everyday and did some quick calculations, and I felt a little better.
To know why, see the results below – you’ll be surprised at how outrageous some other prices are! 
 
Petrol (regular unleaded) in Mumbai: Rs. 50.51 per litre
Coca Cola 330 ml can: Rs. 20 = Rs. 61 per litre
Dettol antiseptic 100 ml Rs. 20 = Rs. 200 per litre
Radiator coolant 500 ml Rs. 160 = Rs. 320 per litre
Pantene conditioner 400 ml Rs. 165 = Rs. 413 per litre
Medicinal mouthwash like Listerine 100 ml Rs. 45 = Rs. 450 per litre
Red Bull 150 ml can: Rs. 75 = Rs. 500 per litre
Corex cough syrup 100 ml Rs. 57 = Rs. 570 per litre
Evian water 500 ml Rs. 330 = Rs. 660 per litre!!  Rs. 500 for a litre of WATER???!!!
And the buyers don’t even know the source (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
Kores whiteout 15 ml Rs. 15 = Rs. 1,000 per litre
Cup of coffee at any decent business hotel 150 ml Rs. 175 = Rs. 1,167 per litre
Old Spice after shave lotion 100 ml Rs. 175 = Rs. 1,750 per litre
Pure almond oil 25 ml Rs. 68 = Rs. 2,720 per litre
 
And this is the REAL KICKER…
HP deskjet colour ink cartridge 21 ml Rs.1900 = Rs. 90,476 per litre !!!!!
Now you know why computer printers are so cheap? they have you hooked for the ink!
So, the next time you’re at the pump, don’t curse our honorable Petroleum minister – just be glad your car doesn’t run on cough syrup, after shave, coffee, or God forbid, printer ink!
 
 

 

An awk-ward sit-uation

 

Word of wisdom - George Seinfeld

 

Single - ready to mingle !!

 

Singles Ratio in US ….by gender by state.

 

Google’s April Fool Prank

Some of you might still remember Google’s april 1st prank last year about printing an archive of your Gmail free of cost, this year they have come up with the “Introducing Gmail Custom Time^TM ” feature. Oh yeah !!! ….

• you could back date your email
• Set it read or unread
• submit your assignments backdated and on time blah blah blah….
• and you can backdate only till APRIL 1 2004 

C’mon Google…….I expected you to be more creative than this.

Happy April Fools day   - Google

 

Kabhi Kabhi

 

Kabhi kabhi mere dil main khayal aata hain
Ki zindagi teri zulfon ki narm chhaon main guzarne pati
To sadab ho bhi sakti thi
Yeh ranjho gham ki siyahi jo dil pe chhayi hain
Teri nazar ki suahon main kho bhi sakti thi
Magar yeh ho na saka,
Magar yeh ho na saka aur ab ye aalam hain
Ki tu nahin, tera gham, teri joostjoo bhi nahin
Guzar rahi hain kuchh iss tarah zindagi jaise,

isse kisi ke sahare ki aarzoo bhi nahin
Na koi raah, na manzil, na roshni ka suragh
Bhatak rahin hai andheron main zindagi meri
Inhi andheron main reh jaoonga kabhi kho kar
Main janta hoo meri hum-nafas, magar yoonhi
Kabhi kabhi mere dil main khayal aata hai

********************************
English version:

Often thought comes in my heart
if i have life under shadow of your hair
it would have been more peacefull
the ink of pain and sorrow on my heart
could’ve been lost in your eyes
but it didn’t happen
but it didn’t happen, now life is on verge
that i don’t have you nor sorrow neither hopes
living life without any support/landing hand
no road, no goal, nor way to see light
my life is travelling in darkness
i’m to be lost in darkness someday
i know it’s my love of life, but
often thought comes in my heart
—–By: Shamit Amin